Oh dating. I have such a love-hate relationship with the word. Dating can be super fun, but to get to that point there's definitely a lot of crap we have to wade through first. I'm going to make it a little easier for you to find the right kind of guy, by showing you what to avoid at all costs. Us girls have to look out for each other, right? So here it is..
1. He sees you as a fetish, not an individual person.
Being a curvy girl growing up in a size-obsessed world can be tough, many of us struggle with loving an accepting the way we look in moments of our lives. Because of this many curvy women have this desire to be accepted and loved for who they are inside and out (and hell yeah you deserve it)! The problem is some of us can't discern whether a guy is interested in depth, or just all about our curvylicious surface. I mean, we all have our -types- and that's totally fine, but when looking for a real relationship the core of a person matters most. With these types of guys its not too hard to figure them out if you're really looking out for it. He'll find it hard to keep from speaking about your body, usually in a sexually suggestive way. You may talk about other things however the topics wont have much depth from his side, and he will definitely keep going back to talking about your physical form with little interest about -you-. My advice: Take the compliments, but leave the BBW fetish boy behind.
2. He's all talk and no reciprocation.
This ones pretty simple, these guys expect no work for them, and all play from you. Much like the former, these guys are all about surface.. Especially their own surface. You'll find that most of what he says will be about himself and his life, without having much interest in yours. What you should gauge is how often is he reciprocating curiosity. Does he ask you questions about your life? Interests? Anything? When you ask a question does he reply in a way that leaves the statement open for you to continue the conversation? Or better yet does he answer your question, and in return ask you a question? Basically, if he's not making the effort to try and get to know you, he's not going to make much of an effort in a relationship. My advice: Aint nobody got time for a narcissist.
3. He quickly talks about all his "crazy" exes.
Lets get real, most of us have at least one ex that became a terrible mistake. Some of us more than others, I know for me I've definitely had more than a few bad guys in the past. However, I've known some good guys too that just didn't work out. It's normal that people have many different experiences in the dating world, however, what isn't normal is to claim /all/ your exes are crazy. This has become a tool for men with bad intentions to draw you in with sympathy in order for you to create an emotional attachment to them. They also do this to make you feel special, that to him you're not like those crazy women he's dated, that you're everything he's always wanted. Which can definitely seem sweet and flattering, but you'll just end up being another crazy ex on his belt when he's through being a bad boyfriend to you. My advice: Just throw the whole man away.
4. He masks negative comments with compliments.
While I hope that this would be totally obvious, I know women who've gotten trapped in relationships with these guys, not realizing how crappy they are until it's too late. If it gets to that point, they know they have you trapped in their emotionally manipulative web, and that they've dropped your self respect enough that you likely won't leave. So lets not even get that far into a relationship, hopefully never even a first date because girl, you deserve a positive healthy partner! Things you can look for comments like.. "you look nice, but I think you'd look better if you.. (literally anything)", or "oh David's girlfriend works out a lot, you should tag along sometime", or "you look great in that dress, it hides your stomach well".. Basically anything that makes you feel bad about yourself even if he's said it in a sweet voice with a charming smile. My advice: You don't need that negativity in your life.
5. He "playfully" pushes your personal boundaries.
It's important when dating to know and understand some basic boundaries for the person you're dating. What they're comfortable and uncomfortable with. And they should want to know! Especially if you both are becoming physical. A good man will want to know and respect your boundaries and won't make you feel bad because you don't want to try something new, and he most definitely will not pressure you into it. A bad guy however, will do exactly the opposite. Some guys are blunt, but most guys try to push and mask it in a teasing playful matter.. If you say you don't want/like something and they keep bringing it up or trying to change your mind, they don't respect you. And you definitely don't want to enter into a long term relationship with someone who has no respect for your feelings. My advice: Don't back down on your boundaries, back away from the slimeball.
And if you're ever unsure about something ask your friends, because they are definitely there to look out for you! It's so easy to dismiss little things you feel off about, trust me, I should know. And every time I withheld information from my friends because I didn't want them to think the guy was bad. But I realized this: if you're leaving out information about a guy because you're worried what your friends or family will think.. That's your gut talking to you! Listen to it before you waste any more precious time on something that will not work out. If it makes it easier, try thinking of it this way; If a guy your friend was dating did this to her, what would your advice be?
Good luck out there, and never settle for something less than wonderful!